I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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