I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize