There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
All the doctor said was why
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
