We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
