guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
