college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
