fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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