Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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