dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize