oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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