Best friends brother. Beat that.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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