Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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