I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
