I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
