If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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