He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
