my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
