Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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