Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
is it fun? or sober?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
