the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
