How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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