Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
