I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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