That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
