why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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