accomplished twins. life is a go
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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