we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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