I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
