Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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