Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
