ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
