Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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