goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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