I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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