ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
