walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
