Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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