There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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