My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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