he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize