she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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