Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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