id be glad to
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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