My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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