Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
