i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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