the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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