Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
