physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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