trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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