My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
