ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We just shotgunned beers for America
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
