She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
