ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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