true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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