my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
