I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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