I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
where are my eyebrows?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
