Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
