I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
