I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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