I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
