you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
