I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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