Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You ruined the universe
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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