your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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