Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
