Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
