I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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