my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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