I wish I could punch you in the face.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize