I need to stop coming to work sober
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
