and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
