Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
