Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize