something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
