Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
