I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
