Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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