Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
