We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
