somebody snuck up and got me drunk
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
