I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize