i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Enjoy the penises
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
