you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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