i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
