The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
