I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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