capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
