I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
