JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize