The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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