no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
