Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
