you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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