i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
