we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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