Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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