Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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