Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
