dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize