yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
