yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
