she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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