I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
