I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize