How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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