no, he came in my armpit
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
